


Perils of Protein Shakes

by kayliemalinza



Series: Everything I Know I Learned from Gifs [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-09
Updated: 2012-09-09
Packaged: 2017-11-13 21:16:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/507795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayliemalinza/pseuds/kayliemalinza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teaser:<br/>Derek falls through the skylight. It has nothing to do with a lack of grace and agility, okay; he has those in spades. The skylight was old and rickety, with rust flaking off the buckled corners, and he's heavy. Being an alpha adds on at least twenty metaphysical pounds of badass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perils of Protein Shakes

**Author's Note:**

> Written for tumblr user pinkhairedlesbianadventures.  
> WARNING: Everything I know about Teen Wolf, I learned from gifs.

Derek falls through the skylight. It has nothing to do with a lack of grace and agility, okay; he has those in spades. The skylight was old and rickety, with rust flaking off the buckled corners, and he's heavy. Being an alpha adds on at least twenty metaphysical pounds of badass. He's also been chugging three protein shakes a day. Not actual protein shakes, since Jamba Juice banned him from all the local stores after that thing with the fire hose, so Derek hunts down a rabbit and rattles it through the air a few times before he rips its soft fuzzy throat out. 

It's hard work, chasing rabbits. They're tiny and like hiding under fallen tree trunks and you think it's easy hauling those things up off the ground? No way, especially not one-handed (because he has to grab the rabbit with the other paw,) and there's bugs and millipedes and all kinds of crawly things under there. Most days, Derek has rotted leaf-crap ground so deep in the soles of his sneakers that he has to wolf out and scrape his claws in all the nooks and crannies of the treads just to be able to walk through his front door without tracking mud in (well, the front door of the broke-down shack he's squatting in. When he's sleeping in the tree outside Stiles' bedroom window, it's not a problem.) 

Derek's starting to think that rabbits aren't worth it. There's not a lot of meat on the bones. He wants to work his way up to deer, but they're surprisingly heavy and he can't jiggle them as easily as rabbits. Without the shaking, it's just protein, and totally not hip.

Derek's been dumpster diving off and on, trying to find some parts to make a pulley system to lift the deer with, but he cut open his hand last week and got tetanus. Stiles drove him to the hospital, cracking terrible jokes the whole way, and Derek had to bang his head against the steering wheel three times, which really aggravated his wound. Stiles also complained about the bloody palm print on the back of his head. He's so delicate sometimes. Derek gets blood all over his own body sometimes, and does he complain? No. He licks it off and rubs his face against the carpet like a sensible canine. Stiles isn't a werewolf but there are some skills he should really pick up. Derek's going to see about that. 

Later, that is. He's busy right now, bleeding all over the concrete. Skylight, remember? Shards of glass are embedded all over his skin, and he's pretty sure that's the sash of the skylight poking into his belly, which means more tetanus shots. 

"You know, I put a lot of work into this damsel-in-distress act," says Stiles. He's over in the corner of the warehouse, hands tied to a pipe above his head. His legs splay artistically. Even Derek has to admit that he's done a good study of classic ingenues in peril. "I gotta say, you're really not up to snuff, Mr. Hero. I'm gonna have to ask the studio to get me another costar."

Derek snarls at him, laconic yet expressive. 

Stiles blandly lifts his eyebrows in response.

 _Damn ungrateful whippersnappers_ , thinks Derek, and makes a point of splattering blood on Stiles' new Chucks when he eviscerates the bad guys.


End file.
